


Risks and Chances

by jejuboo



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 22:29:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17671316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jejuboo/pseuds/jejuboo
Summary: How sure are you that he is the one?





	Risks and Chances

**Author's Note:**

> lmao my friend and I were just talking about scenarios for a ship when I blurted this plot out and I cannot not write it.... ✊😭
> 
> twitter: kwaninoni

**Risks and Chances**

 

-

 

Jihoon felt his lungs ran out of oxygen, he found himself gasping and reaching for anything that could prevent him from falling.

 

 _If only I thought of that earlier,_ he thought.

 

Jihoon could feel his chest tightens as he stares at the man, who he used to built sand castles with back in kindergarten, holding another man's hand as they laugh while walking.

 

 _It could have been us, right?_ , Jihoon asked himself as he slowly fall to the ground despite of holding on the wall.

 

Jihoon felt his eyes water and warm tears fall down his cheeks, his silent cry that mostly happen in his bedroom is now being seen by strangers walking passed by him, probably wondering why a guy like him is crying at a public place on a sunny afternoon.

 

Jihoon curled up his knees and hid his face in it as he cries even more.

 

_It's been 3 years and yet why can't I accept the fact it's not me whom he wants anymore?_

 

"Ji.."

 

Jihoon heard a familiar voice calling him as he felt something draped over him, "Leave me alone, Soonyoung."

 

"I can't, you need me."

 

Jihoon shook his head, "I don't need you, go away."

 

Instead of an answer, Jihoon felt someone sat beside him, he raised his head and looked at his left and found a smiling Soonyoung staring at him. "I told you to go away, why are you still here?"

 

"I told you, you need me."

 

Jihoon could feel his eyes water again, "Why are you still here... It's been 2 years since you started chasing me... I told you, I don't want you.. I keep on rejecting you and yet you're still here! Just go away!"

 

"I can't.", Soonyoung simply said, "What if you decided to finally let him go and I'm not there? I couldn't risk losing that chance."

 

 _Risks and chances... Two words that ruined me,_ Jihoon thought as he stared at Soonyoung's hopeful eyes.

 

"Wouldn't it be easier if I just fell for you?", Jihoon asked.

 

Soonyoung nodded, "But sadly, you haven't yet."

 

"I'm sorry.."

 

Soonyoung just smiled, "Let's go. I'll take you home."

 

_Home... They said, home is where your heart is... But what will I do if my heart is with someone else? Does that person become my home? What if... He has another person he calls his home? What does that make me?_

 

Jihoon watched Soonyoung's back as he walks behind him and can't help but wonder... _What if I met you earlier? What if you came earlier in my life? What if you were there when I was about to fall and prevent me from doing so? Would things turn out differently for the both of us?_

 

_\--_

 

"Seungcheol has been asking me about you.", Mingyu, Jihoon's roommate, said as he pours water on their instant ramyeon.

 

Jihoon just stared at him.

 

"You know that you can't ignore him forever, right?"

 

Jihoon reached for his ramyeon as he sighed, "I know... You know I usually ignore him whenever I breakdown because of him."

 

"I guess, it's still him, huh?"

 

Jihoon groaned, "It seems like it."

 

"What about Soonyoung?"

 

Jihoon looked at the lid of his ramyeon as if it's the most interesting and complex design he has ever seen.

 

"You can't just ignore Soonyoung's feelings as well, Jihoon."

 

"I'm not ignoring his feelings... It's just... I can't accept it."

 

Mingyu sighed, "Then tell him to stop, the poor man has been chasing you for years..."

 

"I told him so many times but he just keeps on coming back...", Jihoon hopelessly said. "I don't know what to do.. I feel bad, okay! If only I could just wake up with my feelings for Seungcheol is transferred to Soonyoung, God knows I would. Soonyoung never gave up on me but somehow, all I do is hurt him."

 

"Maybe try giving him a chance."

 

Chance.

 

Jihoon felt himself got dragged by his memories from 5 years ago, him and Seungcheol on his bed staring at each other's eyes... None of them can clearly remember who leaned in first but surely both of them felt the pull of each other's lips. Jihoon could still remember how warm Seungcheol's lips were and how he pulled him close as they kissed.

 

19 year old Jihoon broke the kiss and found themselves staring at each other's eyes once again.

 

"What now?"

 

Jihoon shook his head, "I don't know..."

 

"Should we give this a chance?", Seungcheol asked.

 

Jihoon froze, "We're risking our 15 years of friendship?"

 

"I don't know... Is this worth it?"

 

 _Yes._ "I don't know."

 

Jihoon doesn't know when it started. He doesn't know when he started seeing Seungcheol as more than his bestfriend. Sometimes he sits on his bed thinking of all the possible times but he couldn't recall anything other than assumptions of when it could have been.

 

There's this one time during middle school when Jihoon trashed his project, that took him a week to prepare, 2 days before it's due and Jihoon found a replacement on his locker on the day of submission with a note that says, _Got you. -S._

 

Or it could also be when it was raining and Jihoon had to stay in school for a club meeting. Seungcheol found out that he doesn't have an umbrella so, he sneaked out from his basketball training just to run and leave his umbrella on Jihoon's desk with another note that says, _Don't Worry. -S._

 

And maybe, it was when Jihoon got sick after stressing for his midterm exams and Seungcheol missed one of his exams because Jihoon collapsed at the hallway and needed to be rushed in the clinic. Jihoon found another note when he woke up, _Feel better. -S._

 

All was well until the kissed happen.

 

The kiss ignited the fire that was unknowingly burning inside of them. It fueled the fire and now, both of them need to make a decision whether they would risk it all and give their feelings a chance or just forget it happened.

 

They chose the latter.

 

\--

 

"I missed you, Ji!", Seungcheol said as he rushed to Jihoon and gave him a tight hug.

 

Jihoon slapped his back, "Let me go."

 

_Don't._

 

Seungcheol let him go.

 

"What brings you here?", Jihoon asked as he avoids Seungcheol's eyes.

 

Jihoon loves his eyes. It shines so bright as if it hasn't seen the darkest part of life, yet. It's so light and cheerful and Jihoon just can't help but find himself drawn to it.

 

"You've been ignoring my calls, what do you expect me to do?"

 

Jihoon scoffed, "I expect you to get the memo that I don't want to see or talk to you."

 

"That's harsh.", Seungcheol said, "What changed?"

 

_Us. You. Since you started dating Jeonghan 3 years ago._

 

"Nothing.", Jihoon shrugged.

 

The last thing that Jihoon wants is to spill every sentiment he has for the past 3 years.

 

Seungcheol stared at him for awhile.

 

"So... How are you and Jeonghan?"

 

Seungcheol's suspicious eyes went back to its natural state, light and cheerful as he broke into a smile while telling Jihoon different stories about their relationship. Jihoon sat there and not even bothering dodging the bullets that are being shot at him. Jihoon could feel a thousand needles on his chest as Seungcheol spats every word and every detail but Jihoon could only smile and nod as if what he is hearing is the most entertaining thing in the world.

 

Because the second last thing that Jihoon wants to do is disappointing Seungcheol.

 

\--

 

"I don't get you.", Mingyu said as he take another shot.

 

Jihoon just shrugged, "Story of my life."

 

"No, I mean, yeah.. But, like, why didn't you just tell him before that you don't want him to date? Like, you don't want any other guy next to him? Or, maybe, admitted to him that you were jealous of Jeonghan?", Mingyu asked.

 

Jihoon just sighed, "I have no right."

 

"You both liked each other! Obviously, you did!"

 

Jihoon sarcastically laughed, "We never told each other those words... After the kiss, I guess, we just both assumed that there is something more but never addressed it. We both agreed to not risk it all and just not gave ourselves the chance."

 

"You... You are both stupid!", Mingyu frustratedly said. "I can't believe you both ignored that something! What if that something could have been your everything!"

 

Jihoon stopped from drinking his shot and sighed, "It's too late now."

 

\--

 

"Hey! I brought you food."

 

Jihoon looked up from his laptop and found a smiling Soonyoung holding a paper bag which he is assuming has the food. "You didn't have to."

 

"But I want to."

 

Jihoon watched Soonyoung prepare the food and he can't help but wonder how can he not fall for this caring man in front of him? Is there something wrong with his heart? Jihoon could only wonder.

 

"Here.", Soonyoung said as he set the food in front of Jihoon.

 

Jihoon nodded and mumbled his gratitude.

 

"I saw Jeonghan and Seungcheol on my way here..."

 

Jihoon stopped chewing, "Oh.. Uh... Yeah.. They asked me if I wanted to have lunch with them... I declined."

 

"Ah..", Soonyoung said.

 

"Aren't you going to eat?"

 

Soonyoung shook his head, "I already did."

 

"Ah.."

 

Jihoon could feel Soonyoung's eyes watching him as he eats but didn't bother telling him off. Let's just say, Jihoon has grown to accept Soonyoung's way of appreciating his existence... and Jihoon feels bad because despite of Soonyoung's efforts he couldn't just feel the same way.

 

Jihoon heard his phone beeped.

 

_From: Mingyu_

 

_Give him a chance._

 

_Who?_

 

_From: Mingyu_

 

_Soonyoung. Let yourself be happy._

 

Jihoon stared at his phone for awhile before looking at Soonyoung who is fondly watching him as he eats.

 

_How do I let go of someone that was never been mine in the first place? How can I let myself be loved by someone else if I can't even let the person who has heart go? Could I really be happy? Would I really be happy?_

 

"How long are you planning on doing this?", Jihoon suddenly asked.

 

Soonyoung looked surprised but gained composure right away, "Until I have you."

 

"Why me?"

 

Soonyoung smiled, "Why not you?"

 

"I'm just me. I'm broken. I'm mean. I'm heartless."

 

Soonyoung laughed, "Just because you're broken doesn't mean you don't deserve to be loved and don't worry... I could just give you my heart, if being heartless bothers you so much when I don't."

 

_Could he really make me happy?_

 

"Don't rush it.."

 

Jihoon looked down, "It's been 2 years... Why aren't you tired of waiting?"

 

"The best things in life don't come easy. You're worth the wait, Jihoon."

 

_I really don't know._

 

_\--_

 

"Seriously, Jihoon?", Mingyu frustratedly asked.

 

Jihoon looked at him, "What?"

 

"Why can't you just give Soonyoung a chance?"

 

Jihoon sighed, "He deserves better."

 

"Shut up, Ji. You are in no postion to say that because with your state right now.. Clearly, you are not aware of what is better or not."

 

Jihoon slammed his head on the table, "I can't just get myself to let him in... He deserves better, yes. I know I can't give him that but if i'm going to let him in... Might as well be 100% free of baggage."

 

"If you really like Seungcheol... Just go and confess to him.", Mingyu said.

 

"I can't do that to Jeonghan... He's my friend."

 

Mingyu laughed, "Exactly, he is your friend. He obviously deserves to know the truth about the real reason you never hang out with them."

 

"Mingyu... I'm going to kill you."

 

"But let's be real, hasn't it ever crossed your mind that maybe the reason you can't let Seungcheol go is because you haven't let your feelings out?", Mingyu said, "Like, for years, it's been kept within you. You, both, have never spoken about it with each other. The fire is still inside you and it's killing you from within."

 

Jihoon could feel his heart stopped beating.

 

"Why did he manage to let me go, then? Was I the only who felt it?"

 

Mingyu shrugged, "I'm not the one whom you should be asking that."

 

"I'm scared..."

 

Mingyu hugged him, "Don't be... Stop running away.. You deserve to be happy as well."

 

_Do I really?_

 

\--

 

"Why didn't you tell me?"

 

Jihoon looked down, "I didn't think it was important."

 

"Clearly it was..."

 

Jihoon nodded, "I know it now."

 

"I felt the same way, Ji."

 

_Felt... It really is the end, huh?_

 

"What changed?"

 

Seungcheol timidly smiled, "I don't know."

 

"What?"

 

"Time? Life? Or maybe, it was never meant to be."

 

Jihoon felt his throat clogged up, "W.. What?"

 

"Have you ever heard of that saying about having the chance to meet but was never destined to be?"

 

_There it is again, chance._

 

"What do you mean?"

 

Seungcheol smiled, "I think we are just like that, Ji... Wewere bound to meet but never destined to be together. We had that something but could never be that everything. We both felt that pull that night but we both know we couldn't risk it.... because we were never destined in the first place."

 

"I... I don't understand."

 

"I met Jeonghan when I was drunk during a night out with friends. I found out he knows you and I ranted about how much I wanted to confess and maybe finally risk it all."

 

Jihoon felt his heart racing and his eyes watering.

 

"Why.. Why didn't you?"

 

Seungcheol laughed, "I saw him smile.... and at that moment I realized the reason of my hesitation back then. He is the one who was destined for me."

 

"W.. What.. I don't understand... You were about... You almost... We..."

 

"Jihoon... Stop looking at me and start looking around you."

 

Jihoon still doesn't understand but does what he has been told. He looked around his office and he was about to give up when he found a note on one of his shelves. Jihoon stood up and grabbed the note.

 

"Remember me? -S.", Jihoon said. "You... I don't get you... Why leave me another note?"

 

Seungcheol stood up from his seat, "It wasn't from me. Never was."

 

"W.. What?"

 

Seungcheol hugged Jihoon tightly, "Time to chase your everything, Jihoon."

 

\--

 

"You knew from the start?!"

 

Mingyu dodged the pillow Jihoon threw at him, "Wait! Let me explain!"

 

"You fucking asshole! I trusted you!"

 

Mingyu ran away from another pillow being thrown at him, "I found out 6 months ago! Seungcheol told me!"

 

"What?"

 

Mingyu stopped running, "He.. He came to work one day and told me."

 

"Why didn't you tell me? That's why you were pushing me to Soonyoung!"

 

Mingyu rolled his eyes, "What do you want me to do? Sit down and told you Soonyoung has had shots for your ever since?"

 

Jihoon sat down on the couch, "Soonyoung, Seungcheol and I went to the same schools ever since but it was only Seungcheol whom I met?"

 

"Funny how fate works."

 

_Yeah... Funny._

 

Jihoon looked at Mingyu, "What do I do now? Was my feelings ever valid?"

 

"Feelings are always valid, you dipshit."

 

Jihoon ruffled his hair out of frustration, "I don't know what to feel!"

 

"Then start thinking!"

 

Jihoon glared at Mingyu.

 

_\--_

 

"Soonyoung."

 

Soonyoung stopped dancing and turned around, "Jihoon!"

 

Jihoon watched Soonyoung hastily turned off the music and wiped his sweat, "What are you doing here?"

 

"I found this.", Jihoon raised his hand with the note.

 

Soonyoung's eyes went wide, "Oh..."

 

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

 

Soonyoung scratched his head, "I wanted you to figure it out...."

 

"What if I didn't?"

 

Soonyoung smiled, "I know you would."

 

"Seungcheol told me it wasn't him."

 

Soonyoung's smiled dropped for a second then back again, "Oh... Should I send my gratitude to him?"

 

"Soonyoung... Please hate me."

 

"Ji... You're asking me the impossible."

 

Jihoon felt his eyes watering, "You don't deserve me. I'm broken."

 

"I told you... I don't care. Everyone deserves to be loved."

 

Jihoon looked into Soonyoung's eyes, "How can you still love someone like me after hurting you many times?"

 

"Ji.. You are not difficult to love."

 

Jihoon fell to the ground while crying.

 

Jihoon felt hopeless and stupid.

 

Jihoon felt like the world played a sick game on him and he is currently losing.

 

Jihoon felt arms wrapped around him. "It's okay..."

 

"No, it's not!", Jihoon argued, "Can't you see? I'm a mess and you... you're perfect!"

 

Soonyoung laughed, "I'm surprised you think highly of me, Mr. Lee."

 

"Fuck you!"

 

Soonyoung wiped Jihoon's tears, "Like I told you before.. I'm willing to wait. I know, it's still Seungcheol..."

 

"Soonyoung... What if... It never came?"

 

Soonyoung smiled, "Impossible. The moment I saw you building sand castles with Seungcheol back then, I knew we are destined to be."

 

"You like taking risks and chances?"

 

Soonyoung kissed his forehead, "Because I know you don't."

 

_And maybe he doesn't need his heart back._

 

_And maybe home could really be a person even if your heart is not in it._

 

_And maybe he could be happy too._

 

_Or just maybe, Soonyoung made it possible for him._

 

_\--_

 

Seungcheol could feel himself falling as he watched Jihoon and Soonyoung laughing together.

 

"Hey... It's okay... You did the right thing."

 

Seungcheol looked away, "Was lying about my feelings the right thing?"

 

"Bound to meet but never destined to be."

 

Seungcheol closed his eyes, "I'm hurting, Jeonghan."

 

"I know... Watching you get hurt hurts me too."

 

"I'm sorry."

 

Jeonghan smiled, "I know what I got into, Seungcheol."

 

"I should have risked it."

 

Jeonghan shrugged, "And ruin their chance?"

 

Seungcheol opened his eyes and stare at Jeonghan, "Why stay with a broken man like me?"

 

"I ask the same thing everyday."

 

 _Bound to meet but never destined to be... Jihoon's your something and I guess, you are my something... Choi Seungcheol._ , Jeonghan thought as he watched the man he loves in pain.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it... Wrote this for a few hours and didn't even proofread it. Thank you!


End file.
